I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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