My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
