lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
