That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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