girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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