no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
