Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
