Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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