yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
