How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
