Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
