So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
