Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
