This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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