So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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