Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
