I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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