why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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