U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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