hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she peed on how many people?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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