i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
