hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
