its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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