this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
