My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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