before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
