He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
