I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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