Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
