I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
