and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
