when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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