fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
