this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
