guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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