i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
