So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
