She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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