clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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