my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
