Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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