I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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