are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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