hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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