You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
