Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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