3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
