Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
