I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
