You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
