kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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