we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
