I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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