we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
