I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
