Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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