I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
