3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
