About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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