and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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