I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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