I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
