Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
