i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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