Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
