I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
