They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
