Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
