I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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