I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
