can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
